Being the Bigger Person Isn’t Always Noble

A while ago, I found myself in a friendship that felt more like a full-time job. I was always smoothing things over, swallowing my feelings, and being “the mature one” whenever things went sideways. Birthdays forgotten? I’d smile through it. Passive-aggressive texts? I’d take a deep breath and respond kindly. Apologies? Rare. But somehow, I kept showing up with grace like I was auditioning for sainthood.

At first, I chalked it up to growth. Be the bigger person, I told myself. Take the high road. But after a while, I started to notice something. I was exhausted. And worse? I was starting to feel resentful.

Here’s the thing: being the bigger person is a beautiful thing — once in a while. But if you find yourself always in that role, it’s worth asking a tough question:

Why are you the only one growing up while everyone else gets to stay small?

If you're constantly biting your tongue, managing other people’s emotions, or making peace at the expense of your own, that's not emotional maturity — that's emotional labor. And it’s not sustainable.

Sometimes, the real act of maturity is walking away from people who never seem to meet you at your level.

We don't talk about this enough, especially in professional settings or even family circles. There's this pressure to maintain harmony no matter what — to avoid rocking the boat, to keep things nice. But niceness isn’t the same as kindness, and being endlessly accommodating doesn’t make you noble — it makes you a doormat.

It’s okay to expect reciprocity. It’s okay to want relationships (friendships, teams, even clients!) where the energy flows both ways. Being the bigger person doesn’t mean you shrink yourself so others feel comfortable.

So if you’re tired of being the one who always keeps the peace, maybe it's time to stop hanging around people who thrive in chaos. You deserve to be around folks who meet you with the same grace you offer them.

Take inventory. Set boundaries. And remember: your emotional energy is not a group project.

Your turn — when’s the last time you had to be the bigger person, and did it actually serve you? Hit reply. I’d love to hear your story.

ChillaxTribe

POSITIVE AFFIRMATION

I am allowed to outgrow people who refuse to grow with me.